It felt like my left side was hit by a something soft, like a soft blab of meat. I could only feel the impact, how fast i fall into the ground. There was no pain or no sound.
I had about a week left in China, of my four months stay. It was my last few days there. I was trying to take some memories with me, some photographs to remind me of this place, the life I had there yet couldn’t make it mine. I went out to eat at the restaurant I have always went for last couple of months for my lunch, checked it from the balcony if it’s open or not. Also again checked what would happen if I jumped off from the balcony. After locking my door I went out, it’s a pretty good neighborhood. High rise apartment buildings, spacious streets, you can see the mountains miles and miles ahead. Beautiful Chongqing. After crossing the streets, there I was in the restaurant. My usual meal, Eggs, Vegetables, Beef and Rice. Not to forget the beautiful lady of the owner and their daughter, I enjoyed their company even though I couldn’t speak Mandarin at all. After having belly full of food I hopped into the subway, went to the parts of Jiangbei, which photographs I haven’t took yet.
Sprawling mountains covering the whole city, it’s like a living Great Wall of China. Spent as much time I could as it was getting dark. Since i was walking most of the time, it didn’t really surprised me how about nine to ten hours went by.
Returned to the Yuzhong, the last subway took off around 10:35 pm, found myself in a night club, talked to the bouncers earlier about how long does it stays open. I was tired and hungry. But couldn’t eat yet cause doing so would slow me down and my photography work. Bright flashes of colorful lights, loud music and all the chatters. The crowd, dancers, party people and all that shit. DJ’s blasting music I never heard of, people dancing like a Maniac, and here I was soaking it all in, photographing every last details.
Finally took my time off, went out of the club to eat something. Around that place one of my favorite dish was steamed pork rice. It was delicious. Had a small bottle of vodka and a couple of beers. I was at peace then. Returned to the club, found a couch and fall down. Body and mind both being numbed by the tiredness and the alcohol. Time went by really fast, I could barely keep my eyes open. Walked more than twenty kilometers that day, people were slowly fading. It was around 3 or 4 am, I don’t know. Finally found the motivation and strength to get up and went to the washroom. My head was buzzing, took out my phone and found a semi nude photo of the dancer. Started jerking off to the stripper, with loud noises coming from the club, It was hard time getting my dick hard due to the exhaustion and the alcohol, and the lack of sleep. After trying for a while jerked off to her. Felt the release of feel good hormones.
Came back to the couch, the club was now almost closed, only few people remained tired and rolling around. Everything seemed like a sweet ass to me then, regardless of their gender. I was numbed yet smiling. Not a worry in the world, i was dozing off. But the club closed around 4.30 am so I had to make my bed outside on the concrete couch under the open sky.
Had another bottle of my favorite Tsingtao beer, had some fluffy meat buns. I was filled then, R by Niha was playing in the background and the light was just starting to appear.
The life I wanted to live, the future that I dreamt of, all the plans and shit, this was all that I had left. Around a week left, I wasn’t feeling anything. Numbed myself with the vodka and beer, and beautiful people and nature of China.
I still haven’t figured out this feeling to this day, I wonder does people who knows that their certain death felt like that before their life ended. The prisoners who will get death penalty or the terminally ill patients who only have a few days left.
It was getting bright, the sunlight. Around 6 am I woke up from my slumber, and went for dim sum breakfast. To get the strength I needed, to return to my apartment at 27th floor in which I spent wondering and calculating angles would I die instantly if i jumped off from the balcony. Or be severely damaged for the rest of my life.
Hopped onto the first Subway at 6.30, barely arrived at my apartment, overlooking the balcony I still was having the same thought that I had yesterday before leaving. Would I die instantly if I jumped off from the balcony ?
After the impact I was laying on the ground for couple of moments. It took me few seconds get back up standing.
I didn’t die, and I was working as a Researcher in a village I barely knew.
I kept waking to reach my destination, I was just hit by a battery driven rikshaw. The speed of that thing knocked off my balance and I fell to the ground.
I wasn’t in China anymore, almost a year has passed already.
The feeling of that night remained.
And the distance between 27th floor and the Ground is 94.5 meters or 310 feet.
